I had abandoned reading. I refused to read at all for more than a decade and I wrote, wrote and kept writing. I did not read because what I read stays in my mind, bubbles up and then I have absolutely no space for my own thoughts. No confidence whatsoever that I can write, I can hear my voice. It feels like I lost the voice by reading.
How can I? I feel threatened. The arrogance has gone, insecurity and self doubt has build up instead. I have no voice to talk to. I cannot hear her back either. I have lost myself and I am wandering for past one year but I cannot find anything. You know the feeling when you walk without any purpose? When you scream but you hear nothing! You breathe however you choke inside? It has lingered for so long that I feel am dying inside. Almost dead really.
I fear inspiration. I want to have my own style of writing. If after reading someone compares me I do not care however if I read and I compare myself with another author I feel THAT has already been done!! What am I offering to the reader? Nothing? Where is my originality if the reader can relate to what am writing with another dead, famous writer?